Archive for September, 2008

Nature is the Coolest

Posted in Uncategorized on September 25, 2008 by lightningmonkey

So I get up this morning, all bright eyed and bushy tailed as I always am in the morning, and skip out of my apartment to do my morning errands. I see the usual sights and sounds, birds chirping, delivery trucks blocking traffic, homeless people getting their morning change, but then something was different. I look in the distance, peering through the morning mist, and can it be? It was! Their plain as day…FIRST YEARS!!! Latin name, Firstus Freshian Yearies NewBs, these timid creatures arrive in large quantities once a year in search of a new home. It is unknown what draws so many of these creatures to this area. Some scientist believe that they may be drawn by a unique pheromone produced by a plant local to the area, or it might be due to the large concentration of the color maroon that also appears in the area. While the debate will continue, all the researchers agree that the appearance of the first years is not do to reproduction. These creatures never travel alone, but instead are accompanied by their mother or father, or both. They carry with them a crude piece of parchment, which they consult regularly and use as a basis for their movements. The first years do not exhibit any form of pack mentality, but instead seem to prefer isolation and the comfort of routine over new sensation. Soon, these creatures will begin to realize that their strange new home should in fact be embraced instead of shunned. While many will grow and evolve into their final state, Grownus Adulyie Upus, a few unexplained cases become an entirely different creature, known only as 1337 hAxOr. Very little is known about these creatures, do to their extreme reclusiveness, fear of light, and lack of procreation. If all goes well the first years will soon start to form small packs and a being to interact with each other using a local concoction known simply as Alchie.

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America’s Next Top Surgeon

Posted in Uncategorized on September 17, 2008 by lightningmonkey

That’s right you heard me, and yes it is what you think it is.  No, it is not being made by anyone (as far as I know) but I clearly get royalties from now on (I am looking at you Fox).  So here is how I see it going down.

The show is based around 15 wannabe surgeons.  You have some deli workers, some office types, and maybe even throw in a striper (she is just doing that to pay for college).  There will of course also be “the bitch,” “the nice guy,” etc.  The standard fare for reality TV shows.  Now none of these people will know anything about surgery (except for maybe the contestant who is a nurse at a dentists office), but they will compete nonetheless! I envision NPH (Neil Patrick Harris for all you squares out there) being the host of the show, since he played a doctor on TV!  All the contest will be forced to live with each other in the break room of a major hospital, just like real residents.  That means they must battle with each other to get the “good couch” for their two hour nap.  In addition, all their meals will have to be purchased through vending machines located throughout the hospital.  In fact, one of the early challenges will be to get one item from every vending machine in the hospital to figure out which machines are the good ones.  After that, the real challenges begin.

It will start with simple ones, like you have 90 seconds to put in as many IV’s as possible on as many people as possible.  The winner will be based on quality and quantity, the one to do the least will be eliminated and forced to give up their stethoscope to NPH.  The rest of the contestants will be put on colostomy bag detail. It should of course be mentioned that if any contestants kills a patient at any time, they are immediately put before the review board, which consists of  the dudes from Nip Tuck , Dr. House, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, and David Hasselhoff (‘cuse no one messes with the Hof). The board can choose to keep them, eliminate them, or force them to do an additional challenge to keep their spot.

As the show progresses, the challenges get harder.  There will have to give stitches, reset bones, help with stab wounds etc.  Once there are only four contestants left, they will start with their first surgeries. The first round will be pretty easy, taking out tonsils or something like that, but will get harder with every round. Lets say it goes tonsils, reattaching body parts, throw in a lobotomy or two and then the grand finale.  When there are only two contestants left, they will have to both do an entirely experimental brain-lung-liver transplant.  The winner will be based on which patient lives the longest!

As with all reality shows, an endless supply of alcohol will be stocked in the break room to make things interesting, and the contestants will be encouraged to have as much casual sex, screaming arguments, and blackouts as humanly possible.

This show is pure gold.

sweeeet

Posted in Uncategorized on September 16, 2008 by lightningmonkey

This is a pretty brilliant demeonstration by Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters. Enjoy!

Unite!

Posted in Uncategorized on September 16, 2008 by lightningmonkey

It would appear that Google will soon have a physical manifestation of their Internet might. They have recently filed a patent on a floating data center. Soon a massive data armada will be sailing the high sea’s looting and pillaging all the data they can find.  From the great rolling Linux clusters in the west, to the spectacular PDA peaks in the East, no one will be safe.  High Admirals Page and Brin know no mercy, no compassion.  Their goals are clear and concise, “Do not be evil…except when taking over the world.”  We must band together and prepare for this oncoming menace!  We must pool all of our resources together, Yahoo, MSN,  and Alta Vista, we must all work together.  We will rally behind the banner of Lord Jeeves himself and stand firm against roaming horde!  Our ships may not be as numerous, but they will be mighty!  They will be the 1337est ships evr and pwn those newbs hardcore!  WHO IS WITH ME?

Not Quite So Adorable

Posted in Uncategorized on September 10, 2008 by lightningmonkey

I was roaming through hulu and found this little gem. It is a clip from Attack of the Show where they go to a gun shooting convention thingy.  They have 900 ft of guns set up to shoot lots and lots of bullets.  It ends with everyone getting out their full automatics and destroying a car.  It is a bit scary that people own stuff like that…but still fun to watch!

Adorable!

Posted in Uncategorized on September 9, 2008 by lightningmonkey

This is just about the most adorable thing ever!!  SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!! GAAAAAA!!

Orwell Goodness

Posted in Uncategorized on September 1, 2008 by lightningmonkey

For those of you who don’t know, orwelldiaries.wordpress.com has begun to post George Orwell’s personal diarie entries in blog form.  They are posted 70 years to the day after they were written.  So far they have not been all that special, a lot of talk about weather and gardening.  But this particular post I find incredibly amusing.  It is one of my favorite authors of all time, one of the greatest writers of our time, talking about bird-poop and if guinea pigs sleep. Enjoy.